Time..

So it his me hard today. As I was minding my own business. I was hit with something that shocked me. This morning at work. I was filling in the date on some paperwork. And I realized that it is the 1/11/10. Okay. So that's not really important. What is, is that I am 21 in 12 days.....

Where the fuck has that time gone? And what the fuck have I done in that time? Nothing. That is 21 years of my wasted life that I will never get back. I am over halfway to 40. Seriously? What the fuck.

I step back and look at my friends lives and I again feel inadequate. I feel like I am not good enough. That I am lacking SOMETHING that makes me special like all of my friends are. Every single one of my friends has something that they are good at. Throw a name at me and I could tell you there gift within a second. Ask me what my talents or gifts are and I freeze. I am not good at anything. That I can think of. And when I do think about what I am good at I get depressed. Because I can't think of anything.

* Sighs * But life must go on. I do get the feeling all of the time that there is something bigger and better out there for me. Maybe one day something drastic will happen. And my life will change forever. I really do wish that day would hurry up. I do not know how much longer I can survive living for a dream. That may or may not happen.