Generations past..

I was going to start this post with 'Remember when' but it didn't seem fitting. So instead this post is starting with -

'I wonder' ... I wonder what it would have been like to grow up in a society that still has values and moral standards.

I wonder what it would have been like to grow up amongst real men. You know the ones that don't straighten there hair. Wear eye liner. The ones that don't parade around in skinny black jeans. Listen to Justin Beiber and don't sleep with as many 'Chicks' as possible. Don't scratch your head. Can you really not remember real men? Sad isn't it. I am beginning to feel the same way.

I will remind you.

Real men are ones that aren't afraid to get dirt under there nails or roll around in the mud. The ones that are devoted to one partner. That work hard for there money and don't expect Mummy and Daddy to empty there wallets for there convince. The men that drive ute's around with a thousand dents in them and a few spots of healthy rust. None of those skyline, suped up, turbo pussy cars. Just to put it out there you don't impress me when you drive past me in your pussy car and rev the engine a few times. I think your a douche.

I wonder what it would have been like to grow up in a society that had manners and respect. I cannot remember the last time a man opened a door for me. Or took a carton from me that was too heavy. Or even nodded there head in acknowledgement as I walked past. Some old men still open doors for me. Take heavy freight. And nod there head. But they are old. It has been drilled into them from an early age. What happened to the younger generation? They need to start stepping up.

I wonder what it would have been like to walk down the street and see men less fashionable then me. Most of the men I see prancing down the street, walk like they are at a fashion show and have better clothes then I do. Have better hair. Have better moisturizers. Deodorants. And shoes then I do... AGAIN!! What happened?

I wonder what it would have been like to be asked for my number instead of "Do you have Facebook?" I would much better prefer talking to someone on the phone then over Facebook. It's too impersonal and you can't get to know someone properly over Facebook.

I say bring back the real man. The one from generations past. Who knew how to treat a girl on a date and show them a good time. Instead of the one who is more afraid of breaking a highly manicured nail and getting dirty then have a good adventure.

Too all men of this generation. It's time to stop chocking on hair spray. Go outside. Take a deep breath ofresh air. Wipe the make up off. Peel off the skinny jeans. Resuscitate your balls. Stop dressing like a drag queen on crack. And-

BE A REAL MAN!!!!!!

Conclusions.

I have come to very many different conclusions this week. They hit me at random times. While I am doing random things. I do not even look for a conclusion or a thought. They just come to me. Maybe when you don't think about your problems. Or troubles. The answers come to you easier.

Some of the conclusions that have come to me this week are -

~ You can't change people. They must learn to change them selves. Or want to.

~ It is easy to be blinded by tiny obstacles in your way. Instead of standing back and looking at the whole picture. People only think of the here and now. Which isn't always a good. Or the best thing.

~ Some people don't know when to give up. They keep on pushing and pushing. Until one day the people they are pushing are going to explode.

~ There are always going to be bullies in life. In and out of school. In the work place. Within your family. And even within your group of friends.

~ You can't always get what you want. So there is no point in wishing you had it.

~ If it's not meant to be. It's not meant to be. Drop it. Move on. Forget. And continue to live your life.

~ Life would not be life without music. A good book. A wine. And friends.

~ Be yourself. If people don't like you for you. Then that is there problem. They are obviously not meant to be in your life.

~ It is okay to cry. To feel. To be an emotional wreck. To get drunk. To smoke. To 'Hook up'. To take some drugs. To be wild. And crazy. To swim naked. To drive in the dark with your lights off. To wish. Dream. And be weird. It's okay to be awkward. To feel uncomfortable. To hate people. As long as you know your limits and know when to stop. You can do what ever you want. And if people judge you for it. Fuck them.

~ If people try to make you feel guilty for something you had to do. Fuck them also. You don't need the drama. Or people like that around you. They will only drag you down in flames with them.

Life is too short to worry about what other people think. I know it is easier said then done. I should take a leaf out of my own book. I will forget all eventually. I think I just need to go and do all of the things that I want to do. And take some photos. :D

Tomorrow is the day.

Tomorrow is the day.

Where everything changes.

Where I buy a new note book.

Forget the past.

Welcome the future.

Start swimming.

And walking.

Take more photos.

And write more stories.

Eat healthy.

Buy some new music.

Worry about me.

Make sure I am happy.

I save more money.

I stop drinking.

And smoking.

I spend more time outdoors.

I stop putting myself down.

I stop worrying.

About things that don't matter.

I tell my friends and family I love them.

And how much they mean to me.

Tomorrow I will.

Get up.

Go to the pool.

Have a shower.

Go to work.

Answer phones.

Check freight.

Have a cup of tea.

Go to lunch.

Go back to work.

Enter data into the system.

Answer more phones.

Speak to some customers.

Get in my car.

Drive home.

Go for a walk.

Take some photos.

Have a glass of water.

Write.

Have a shower.

Brush my teeth.

Go to bed.

And the next day I will do it all over again.

But this time.

I will be doing it for me.

Forgetting about my dark past.

And the dark people in it.

Moving on.

Letting go.

And living life for me.

And my future.

" Live life like you have no regrets,

Like there are no boundary's,

And like there is nothing holding you back."

Story.

Sometimes. I feel the need to write. I LOVE to write almost as much as I LOVE to read. It comes as naturally to me as breathing. I own a small library. And a small story book to rival it.

Not many people know this about me. And because no one reads this but people I feel comfortable sharing with. But I have an editor. Her name is Tracey Norris and for the past year she has been editing my book. Yes. That's right. I have written a book. And one day I hope to get it published. It is one of my ultimate dreams. If I died after my book was published. I would be happy. I want to put something into this world. To make people remember me. For me. And nothing else.

So when I get in moods where I want to write. I write short stories and ponder upon ideas for my second book. I got in the mood to write this afternoon and this is what I created in the space of ten minutes.

She stood on top of the hill that took her half an hour to climb, gasping for air. With her hands on her knees she looked up and out at the surrounding view. Exhausted as she was she stood up straighter, put her had across her brow and smiled at the view she had climbed to see.

There was greenery for miles around her. To the left was the ocean that sparkled like a sea of diamonds. In front of her and across the valley were massive mountains, nothing like the one she was standing on now. Capped with snow. When she squinted her eyes she could make out small streams of melted snow trickling and tracking there way down the mountain range to the ocean. The clouds sailed over her head making strange patchy patterns across the sky and the sun beat down on her already tanned skin. As she stood admiring the view the cool breeze slowly cooled her down.

Eventually, she took in the view to her full extent and sat down under a large apple tree that was perched a few meters from the edge of the mountain. There were a few ripe green apples, she reached for one and moaned as it crunched and fresh apple juice streamed down her parched throat slightly quenching her thirst.

As she ate, relaxed and cooled down. She leaned back against the large tree trunk and within seemingly no time at all she fell asleep. Her long black hair fell across her face and sheltered her eyes from the sun that was slowly setting, her thick cotton dress keeping her warm in the cool breeze and the sounds of nature all around her rocked her into a light sleep like a child in a bassinet.

I know it's not much. And it isn't detailed as much as I would have liked. But it is only a rough copy. And who knows if I like this story. I may play with it more and see where it leads.

My short story's help me escape. And I hope reading this short pointless story made you feel like you were really on the mountain with that girl. Even if it was only for a second.

This feeling.

Sometimes I get in moods. Good moods. Where I feel like I can do anything. I did all of my chores this morning and felt on top of the world.

I watched the clouds roll across the sky while I was hanging my clothes out. Sometimes watching clouds makes me wonder what it would be like to be up there floating with them. The more I think about it the more windy I think it would be. Some clouds zoom across the sky. They must be moving at great speeds. When I think about clouds I think about flying.

And then when I think about flying. I think about Jess. She recently moved to Canada. To be with the one she loves. When I think about Jess flying across the skys. Having new adventures. And meeting new people. It makes me wants to fly across the skys too. And the more I want to do it. The more I know I am. It is only a matter of time. And money. Which I am saving for now.

This blog is random. And the thought of flying hit me at a random time. While I was standing out in the hot sun hanging out my same old clothes. A smile spread across my face as I realised that I was going to travel and fly and do all the things I want. It is only a matter of getting my passport. A ticket. And jumping on a plane. Then like thousands of people across the world.

I will be flying too.

Rain. Rain.

It's raining. It's poring. :D

I will say this once.

I LOVE RAIN!!!!

There is something about the smell of the air and the dampness of my hair and skin that makes me feel alive when it rains. After it rains I feel like the earth and my soul has been cleansed. I was going to go for a walk this afternoon and take some photos while listening to my music. But I like being trapped inside listening to the rain as I relax after work just as much.

I love how water piles along the road. I love how you can walk in puddles. And drive through them. I love the smell or the rain. The sound it makes as you fall asleep. The way it looks when its falling from the sky. The way if makes you want to lay in bed all day. Watching movies and snuggling with someone special. Or even just a teddy bear :D I like the way you can be imaginative when it rains. I love how you can run through it. Avoid it or curse it.

I love everything about the rain. So much so I had to write a blog on it. hehe.

Sick.

Gosh. I hate this. I am feeling so sick. I got sick Sunday afternoon and it has been getting worse daily. My throat feels like it is on fire. My voice is all crackly and my nose is running like a tap. I have Flem in my chest and it hurts so much when I cough and sneeze. I hope that I can get over this soon. Last night I had the worst sleep. I woke with the biggest headache at around 1.30am and could not get back to sleep. Argh. This weekend I have decided that I am going to sleep it off.

haha.

I know I should not be so immature. I know that I should try and be nice. Take the higher path. Be the better person. But I don't want to. Writing stupid little things all over Facebook just angers me more. But hey. At least I can say that I have a stalker who stalks my blog. And I want to say another thing before I move on. It takes so much more energy to hate someone then pretty much anything else. And if you hate me so much. It means that you still care.

Now that I have got that out of my system. I can move on :P

I just recently celebrated my 21st birthday. I still cringe at the fact that I am 21. But now that my birthday is over and everything has turned back no normal. It is not so bad.

I received a new camera for my birthday. It is nothing flash. But it is a nice camera. I went for another walk the other day and took some photos. The quality is great. But after a while taking photos of the same thing kinda gets boring. I have decided to up load some photos. Just to show some of my home town. I dunno if anyone important reads this. Or even checks it out. But one day some random may be strolling through blogger and see them :P

Dreams.

I went out and brought a book on dreams this evening. I think it would have been a good idea if I could remember my dreams. I probably could have looked up my dream meanings on Google. But I like to have something real. That I can touch. And hold. In front of me.

I once had a dream that I was flying over an ocean. Like the picture I up loaded. I was flying with a man. I never spoke to him. But I knew that he was special to me. Eventually we came to land on a two story house. It was my old house that I used to live in before I moved to St George. We landed on the roof. We hugged each other and Kissed each other.

The next thing I knew there were villagers throwing sticks and arrows at us. They were calling out. Calling us 'Witches' and 'Scourers' My partner held onto me and protected me from the deadly things that were being thrown at us. Even though we could fly. I don't know why we didn't take off.

While my partner was holding me. He suddenly gasped. He turned to me wide eyes and scared. I remember that his eyes were black. He had dark hair that swept past his ears. He was amazingly built. And he was mine. I smiled at him. He continued to stare at me then frowned. He looked down and my eyes followed his. I stared in shock. He had an arrow head through his chest. He crumpled to the ground. As a pool of blood formed around him.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. I took off from the roof. But I could not fly as well as I had earlier. Tears were streaming down my face. I just managed to fly above a fence. I made it and was still crying hysterically. As I ran away from the mob that was chasing me.

I woke suddenly when I had this dream to the sensation that I was falling. I was tangled in my sheets and I felt like crying for real. The feelings. Emotions. And despair seemed to follow me from my dreaming world to my awake. And alert world. It took me forever to get back to sleep after I had this dream.

When I got my grubby paws onto this dream book the dream I had above. And the flying part is the first thing that I searched for.

Flying means -

Dreaming of flying as an adult usually indicates that you are feeling unusually happy, buoyant and optimistic. Such dreams generally occur when you've overcome your problems and made real progress in your life. Occasionally a dream of flight is accompanied by feelings of fear and unhappiness. This usually reflects a subconscious with to 'fly away' from all the problems besetting you in your waking life.

I do not know what was happening in my life at the time I had the dream. It was ages ago. But I think the dream represents the latter.

Music.

I believe that if I did not have music. I would not have a life. There are so many songs out there that get everyone through the day. And through there deepest and darkest lows. Or there highest and brightest high.

Without music I believe I would be lost. I have so many favorite artists I would be ranting on forever. Sometimes when I listen to music. I get sad. I feel like going for a walk. Or a run. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I cry. I feel. Believe. And embrace. I find it amazing the type of mood different music can put you into.

I have also been thinking that 2011 is coming up soon. I can feel already that it is the year everything is going to change. I dunno if I am scared Or excited. But what ever is going to happen. Hopefully it will be for the best. If not. I am young and I know I will bounce back.

Nature.

I went for a walk today. It was beautiful. I have been on prettier walks. But this one was just as nice. I never seem to get over the wonder of how beautiful this world is. There are so many amazing things and people out there. And I can not wait to meet and experience these things.

I have seen so many of other peoples pictures and heard so many of other peoples stories that I cannot wait to make my own. One day I want to be able to tell my children all of the amazing things that I have done and seen. They will hold the world in wonder. And want to experience it like I want to.

I want to laugh with foreign people. Listen to there accents. And experience there way of life. I want to travel on the other side of the road. And watch the toilet flush in the other direction. I want to get a tattoo. Have too many drinks <-- Not like I have never done that. Haha. But I would love to have too many drinks in another country. I want to taste exotic foods. And experience exotic places. With exotic people. I want to forget the past. And not worry about the future. I want to have a tan. And feel the sand between my toes. And the walk through the forest as I hear the forest creatures around me and feel at one with my being and everything else.

One day all of this will happen for me. I know it will. Because I am going to make it happen.

Time..

So it his me hard today. As I was minding my own business. I was hit with something that shocked me. This morning at work. I was filling in the date on some paperwork. And I realized that it is the 1/11/10. Okay. So that's not really important. What is, is that I am 21 in 12 days.....

Where the fuck has that time gone? And what the fuck have I done in that time? Nothing. That is 21 years of my wasted life that I will never get back. I am over halfway to 40. Seriously? What the fuck.

I step back and look at my friends lives and I again feel inadequate. I feel like I am not good enough. That I am lacking SOMETHING that makes me special like all of my friends are. Every single one of my friends has something that they are good at. Throw a name at me and I could tell you there gift within a second. Ask me what my talents or gifts are and I freeze. I am not good at anything. That I can think of. And when I do think about what I am good at I get depressed. Because I can't think of anything.

* Sighs * But life must go on. I do get the feeling all of the time that there is something bigger and better out there for me. Maybe one day something drastic will happen. And my life will change forever. I really do wish that day would hurry up. I do not know how much longer I can survive living for a dream. That may or may not happen.