Alone.

I feel like I am alone in this world. All of my friends seem to be having kids. Getting Married. Have boy friends or girlfriends. Are going amazing things. Or are traveling the world. But me? No I have not done or had any of those things yet. And I am 21 next month. I feel like I am always 2 years behind everyone. Most of my grade had boy friends or girl friends in school. I did not have one until after. Probably a year and a half after. Most of my friends have traveled. I am only starting to travel next year. Most of my friends have had numerous partners. I have only had one.

Maybe it is because I live in St George that I feel the way I do. We have a very limited choice in men here. I think it could almost be as extreme as 3 boys to 1 girl. Whenever I meet someone, They are too young. They are not looking for a relationship. They have children. They are engaged. Or they have a girlfriend. I seriously do not know why I bother even searching and going out sometimes.

I have always been a hermit. And I like it that way. Life is simple when I can read a book. Stay home in my trackies. Instead of going out. Getting hit on my fat, Balding men. Or by "Bogans" I feel comfortable at home. I feel comfortable not having to prove myself. I think that I am weird. And awkward. And stupid. An idiot. Uncontrollable. Loud. Not like the rest. And I think that if someone gets to close to me they are going to get scared. Or freaked out because I am "Odd" I prefer to stay home. Maybe from now on that it what I will do. It's easier that way. Things will happen eventually. I am not putting myself out there anymore.